Wednesday, May 13, 2009

6 Reasons to Go See the New Star Trek Movie, and One Thing That is Bugging Me

1) His new understanding of the space-time continuum allows JJ Abrams to recreate the entire timeline without screwing up the original

2) Captain Kirk has sex with a green girl

3) They kill a Redshirt.

4) These guys:

are way hotter than these guys:

5) The knitwear:

I want to make Scotty's hat. More importantly, I believe that Spock is wearing a Snuggie Monster. I have invented the sweater of tomorrow. The future is now!!!

6) It was AWESOME.


The One Thing That Bugs Me:

When Kirk meets Scotty, Scotty tells a story about how he transported Admiral Archer’s favorite pet beagle and it was never seen again. It seems safe to assume that the Archer in question is, in fact, the beagle-owning Captain Archer of the Enterprise series. HOWEVER, Enteprise is supposed to take place 150 years before the original Star Trek series, i.e., 150 years before the events of this film take place. Which would make Admiral Archer about 200 years old. Even given the possibility of increased human life spans or any possible argument about relativistic time lags between faster-than-light and sub-light travel (which would be moot because Enterprise always had warp drives), 200 years seems unlikely. Thank you. And now back to your regularly scheduled awesomeness.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Kayaking - Yay!

Today was the great Kayaking Experiment, which turned out to be a success. I was slightly misled about where said kayaking was taking place, however. The company's name was Billington Sea Kayaking, which I read as "Billington - Sea Kayaking," but which was in fact "Billington Sea - Kayaking." In other words, I went kayaking on the Billington Sea rather than kayaking on the sea with Billington. Who knew that Plymouth boasted an inland sea? All 300 acres of 11-foot deep water of it right there smack dab in the middle of the South Shore for anyone to kayak on. Crazy.

I made it to the kayak shop successfully right at 10am and while I was waiting for the gang I talked to Ross and Ben about pirates, the merchant marine, and the idiocy of gun control laws that ban only scary-looking guns but not weenie-looking ones that are just as deadly. Then Ross showed me all sorts of paddles and I learned about surface area and wind resistance & stuff, and then I learned all about dry suits and wet suits and neoprene and polar fleece and lycra. Then the gang showed up and Ben and Alex taught us how to get into the kayak from the dock, which truly was easier than it looked, and no one fell in, not even me or M. We all got into the kayaks and paddled around for an hour and a half, bumping into each other and getting splashed, and it was awesome.

My kayak was a yellow-orange-red 12.5' Riot Edge, which I christened The Billington Sea Flame, and I am now ready to load her up with grog and my arsenal of knitting needles, and take to the Seven Seas in search of plunder and glory. I'll take that Letter of Marque now, Mr. President. Pirates of the world beware: Don't mess with me and the Sea Flame, or you'll get 14 inches of Boye Aluminum size 13 right in the eye.